Here’s some useful information for you. This chapter was written just for fun, not to hurt the egos of the first ascencionists who put up these steaming piles.

Remember that climbing is supposed to be fun and adventurous. Even though these climbs all really suck, they still can be fun adventures. Most of all, be safe. See how many you can stand to do in a day.

 

Don't,  5.10- 

The name should be an indication. This crappy climb has poor rock and 5/16" bolts that would probably fall out in a strong wind.

Fissura,  5.10b

This gritty painful crack was described by Kevin Powell as " the worst climb I've done in Joshua Tree."

The Lumber Jack, 5.10c 

This short pathetic one move wonder was described by Allan Bartlett as a waste of bolts.

I Fall Therefore I Am

There is something wrong with bolts placed next to a crack. If you want to get frustrated and pissed off, go do this climb.

Tap Dancing, 5.11a

If you like potential ground falls off of sketchy fixed pins, this climb is for you!

Eye Sore, 5.4

The name says it all!

Black Eye

Want to get scared or possibly hurt? Go do this Quail Springs pile then...

Lost in Space, 5.8

Try and find this climb; not an easy task!

Gravel Shower, 5.10b TR

Nothing but the title need be said.

Unwiped Butt, 5.6

Another obvious choice

Chilly Willy, 5.10c A1

Good try!

Penalty Runout, 5.9R

The top part is run out, not the bottom part

The Brontos or Us, 5.11a

Something is very wrong with the bolt placements here.

Bad Check Girl, 5.11a

Bolt ladder with very hard clips....

Peanut Gallery, 5.11a

Scary moves at top... the rest of this climb is awesome

I'd Slap You But Shit Splatters, 5.9+

Forgettable

Blind Me with Science, 5.10b

LAME!!!

Iron Mantle, 5.10cR

More lameness

Poetry in Motion, 5.9

Two bolts without hangers makes this climb suck

Puzzling Evidence, 5.11b

Bolts with out hangers; Pleeeeeeeeease!

Brother from Another Planet, 5.11 R

.....Sign me up!

Slushie, a.k.a. Mojo Rising), 5.10b

This climb gets weird at the top...

Life with out TV., 5.9

Wide and on poor rock, YEHOOOOOO!!

The Great Burrito, all route

Except for Fat Free, far right, are all boring... too bad; they look nice from a distance.

Flared Bare, 5.8

Hard, poor/weird pro, strenuous, Suck wad, abusive

When Sheep Ran Scared, 5.10c

Run out, Grainy and dangerous

Chongo bolt route, 5.11b

Hard, slippery, unenjoyable.... Doofis!

Slim Jim, a.k.a. Nightmare on Angione street), 5.10c

Short grainy, tricky, scary ugly line

Ticket to Nowhere, 5.8

This climb goes nowhere...

Alien Life Form Arête, 5.11a R

Got medical insurance????

Knight Mare, 5.7

NAME????

Ricochet, 5.5)

Lots of bolts.... no hangers!

Mamunia, 5.13a

Vogel gave it three stars but it looks like an ugly, ultra hard bolt ladder up a blankish face....

Yogi, 510c

Has been led. do you like climbing on flakes the resemble potato chips?

Roys Solo, 5.7

Forgettable

Pump Up the Volume, 5.11a

Hard climbing, hard clips, painful thin, ....CrAp!. this sad bolt ladder has one plus, it's close to the road.

Black Out, 5.11a R

5.11a R.... out of six thousand routes at Joshua tree you can find something else to do. I hope.

Totally Nuts, 5.9 R

What were they thinking? an accident waiting to happen. the name says it all.

Spontaneous Human Combustion, 5.11c

Wear out the soles of your shoes figuring out this thin and frustrating no holds climbs.

Head Bangers Ball, 5.11c  the lost horse one

This seldom done route is difficult, on poor route, and looks run out.

Zsa Zsa Goes to Jail, 5.7R

Boring and dangerous, your cup of tea?

The Awful Width, 5.8R

Let me reiterate AWFUL WIDTH!

Bald Women with Power Tools,  5.10b

This is something very wrong with this climb, the bolts and the climbing. this climb sucks.

The Screaming Cactus,  5.8

Pile O' Crapo

The Great Escape,  5.11d

A climb with no holds sound like fun to you? a lesson in frustration

Gravity Waves,  5.11a

Some tard gave this route five stars. all or most of the holds must have fallen off since the first ascent, making it near very difficult, impossible?) to top it all off this "classic" is run out.

Five Crying Cowboys, 

Short difficult, just ends in the middle of nowhere. long walk to get spanked on this diminutive nothing.

* Shake, Rattle, and Roll 5.11b R

I'm sorry, I just can't get into 5.11b R routes

*Love comes in Spurts 5.10d

once a cool climb, the canyon keep washing away the sand in the wash, making the bouldery start near impossible, and very dangerous.

*Scream of the Butterfly 5.10b

3 bolt unfinished route....hmmm....can't wait to get on that one

* Trautner-Fry

hard, poor rock, pro protection...a real winner

*Ceramic Bus 5.11c R.

Even as a top rope, they climbing is unenjoyable, and very difficult.

* Sweet Pants 5.11a

Harder than 5.11a, poor rock, crumbling holds, poor route name. Located in someone else's campground too.

*The Bridge 5.10d R

Run out on poor rock....yeah.

*Quivering Savages 5.12a

Very difficult, no holds, that I could find or pull on, anyways.

Vertical Corrector 5.11a

This sucky climb always lures people on it with it's easy looking "heucos" and bolts winking at you from a campsite. Most people end up getting spanked on this strenuous, irritating, ultra thin heap.

I had a Dream 5.10b

This climb wanders all over the place, actually climbs down in one part, and is a forced line....and unpopular outing that Randy mistakenly gave one star. It does have a cool homemade Bandito hanger on it; the high-light of the whole climb.

Awful Loose 5.7 R

Bartlett describes this climb a one of the worst routes in Joshua Tree.

Empire Wall Routes

(Group Campsite, Indian Cove) Bartlett call these climbs "of questionable quality." I won't climb these stinkers and I'll climb almost anything. Poor rock, poor pro, poor dangerous climbing on shitty rock. Get busy....ahh huh.

Left Double Feature 5.7

Randy mistakenly gave this route ***...it's short, very far from the road, not very fun, and on poor rock....oops.

Walk of Fame 5.10c

This difficult, painful, hand to clip route needs a new name.....try "Walk of Shame?"

Yellow Brick Road 5.11

Randy gave this route ****.....too bad holds fell off....making it probably 5.12.

Gripped for Petina 5.9

The whole bottom section of this climb is missing.......What happened....? Did it fall off....?

Cleared for Landing 5.8

The rock is so poor on this tiny climb that you need to be " Cleared for Landing" because there's a good chance you'll fall off this climb and turf. Should have never been climbed.......

Bob 5.10a

Cool route name, but the bolts are homemade chrome hangers.....which are so shiny you can see them from skylab.

Ashes to Ashes 5.10d.....

What comes next? You got it; Dust to Dust.... your demise if you fall on this ultra run-out steep grain-fest

Ground Finale 5.10a

One hand bouldery move, then 5.0 Buckets?..... I also sprained my ankle on this junky contrived shit pile.

Eating Gorilla Comes in Peace 5.10d

The grainy trough start often has cactus spines in it. The traverse is loose and the climb has so much rope drag you need to set up a ball-pinching hanging belay to do the climb in 2 pitches. A real winner. (What was I thinking.....) untrustworthy fixed pitons to boot.

Sendero Luminoso 5.9

This climb is pathetic....I can't see any reason to ever climb this route. Even hard-core route trickers pass this nonsense on by. It used to have a bolt on it, but the rock is so poor, I think someone in 29 Palms farted, and the bolt fell out.

Share your bump 5.6

Cool route name for a very gritty, poor pro, short, forgettable climb.

Gross Chimney 5.10a

The 1st ascent party is sending you a message when they named this climb.

Hot Flashing 5.11c

A line of bolts.....a product of a sport-climb-minded generation.

Route Right of the Dumbest Climb in the Monument 5.10

All the climbs in this narrow corridor can be compromised by leaning a foot or hand on the very close back wall.....should have been left alone...

Bunny 5.12a (T.R.)

This no-hold short face got chopped.....not worth the bolts.....especially so close to the cool Lickety Splits and Zardoz

Pull my Finger, Barbera 5.11a

Hand, loose, poor rock, less than perfect pro at top.....another crappy JTree climb.